So this weekend marks nine years since I lost my husband to cancer
I decided to read through the many cards that we had been sent while he was dealing with cancer and also the cards that were sent to me after he passed away. It was a really good time to just float through the memories. I have reduced the pile of cards and kept the ones that contained funny stories about memories shared with my husband.
While going through the cards I also found some letters from people and my Mom had sent me a number of years ago this little writing from “Picking up” by Lucy Honig
Sometimes I think you get stuck in a place in your life, a place where you were hurt, or a place where things were supposed to be right but they weren’t and you couldn’t change them. And you stay in that place for the whole rest of your life, getting thru the same thing again and again. Trying to make it the way you want it you don’t learn from the while mistake of it because you don’t think of it as a mistake. It’s your own little pattern, like the steps of a dance, and as you get older you do it more complicated and eventually you do it so different that you don’t even recognize it anymore. And that is you, that is your life.
I have been trying the last two years to not relive the whole “cancer diagnosis” and the whole short journey until my husband died. I have tried to relive the “fun times” instead. I still miss him and I still wish life was not exactly as it is but I am making a new life “a different dance” and hope that I can make life what it should be as I walk through this adventure alone.
If you want inner peace,
Find it in solitude, not speed.
And if you would find yourself,
Look to the land from which you came
And to which you go.
Henry David Thoreau
A note found in my Grandmother’s handwriting read as follows:
Take what God gives and faithfully build your house of happiness.
Perchance some have been given more, but many have been given less.
The treasures lying at your feet, whose value but faintly guess.
Another builder would truly barter all in some way to posses.
Life is what you make it and how you take it!
I think the treasure I have found this past year has been getting back into art and it has given way to some healing. Below are three cards I painted this year.